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Funny Desktop Wallpapers

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
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"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
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"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."
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"Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!"
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"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
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"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."